nondescript in blue

Monday, July 25, 2005
I know it's way past overdue, but here's a very selective...er, selection of photos I took in China:

http://photobucket.com/albums/b157/banscylla/China/

That's all? Most certainly not! More will be added in due course, but scanning, editing, resizing and uploading is such a tedious business - that miserable little selection has sapped all my reserves of patience. Meanwhile, feel free to comment.

And yes, I'm aware that I have a slight botanical obsession. Temperate climates produce the most dazzling flora.

(2) comments

Sunday, July 17, 2005

My mother SUCKS. She forced her personal hairdressing services on me, riding roughshod over all my vociferous protests (i.e. lots of furious screaming to no avail) while insisting that she knew best (when she's actually woefully ignorant about such matters, amongst too many others), and ended up doing damage to my hair that would take weeks to outgrow. My hair responds badly to the unskilled ministrations of such inept morons. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I rarely use such language here but, yeah, she sucks.

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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I'm going to a university known for its liberal arts culture and funky people. Me, a stodgy product of the Singaporean Old School, steeped in conventional thinking and habits. Me, a background person with no charisma whatsoever. A natural pessimist and worrier, so anal about paperwork that I have to clarify every single, painstaking detail with my scholarship officer whilst others breeze through the admin with blithe confidence.

But I can't stay the same way forever, so here's to non-traumatic change.

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Friday, July 08, 2005

The Fall of Tampines

I had the very great satisfaction of marking off Tampines on my wall map of Singapore yesterday, after having completed a hare-brained cycling odyssey from Yio Chu Kang to Ang Mo Kio to Hougang to Tampines and back again (approx. 39.6km) on the very same day as my scholarship deed-signing session. How much more suicidal can you get?

As though I couldn't be content with personal masochism, I had to drag Woon Teng into my insane plan to cross the wilderness beyond Hougang and conquer Tampines. Fortunately for her, her bicycle was falling apart even before we got out of Hougang and she had a pressing appointment, so she did the sensible thing and turned back while I continued my merry way in the scorching afternoon heat, past road works and bemused construction workers, down the treacherous Old Tampines Road (2 lanes only, no pavement, -long- uphill stretch, and heavy vehicles), all the way to Tampines Central. Visited Tampines Mall for the first time, but could only afford to spend 1/2h there. Tried to speed up the return journey so as to be in time for the deed-signing -- ended up half-dead from exhaustion, drenched in sweat, sunburned and thirstier than I'd ever been in 38degC Beijing. Came home, looked at the map and realised with infinite joy that Pasir Ris was within reach, being adjacent to Tampines.

But then again, Singapore is a very small place. When I was a kid, I used to think that the 2-lane street outside Little Guilin was impressively big. Now, of course, having seen broader vistas, the street of my childhood has shrunk to its proper size. The world expands with growing awareness, shrinks with travel, and expands again with the realisation that there are always new places to explore but never time enough to achieve complete conquest. And then there's still the universe beyond.

I'm definitely not sleeping enough these days. And I'm behind in my visa application process, plus a zillion other things screaming for attent- you know the drill. There's just not enough time left, damn.

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Monday, July 04, 2005

Dropped the proverbial bombshell on 2 of my tuition students yesterday. Their mother wasn't pleased At All, and I was glad to escape from their flat after enduring the inevitable recriminations in apologetic silence. Yes, it was irresponsible and maybe a little mercenary of me to take on a tuition assignment in the knowledge that I might have to abandon it later in the year, but after all the rationalised guilt, the fact remains that I will choose a fully sponsored overseas education over doing the morally right thing any day. Besides, I did warn 'em. Right at the start.

There will be some unpleasantness over the next few weeks, but since I've been working on thickening my hide, it won't be anything that I can't handle. I hope.

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Sunday, July 03, 2005

It's ridiculous but I am feeling wretched at the moment. Maybe it's another monthly hormonal shift thing, or the stress of preparing for overseas education and departure in less than 2 months' time, or various people not being very helpful in answering my panicky inquiries. And then there's the M issue - touchy at the best of times, degenerating all the while into a full-blown cold war as major expenditure looms.

It's ridiculous to espouse independence while trying my darndest to remain so dependent. But, you know, dark voices of resentment years in the making whisper foul temptations to uncalled-for behaviour... and yes, I am bitter; it's a natural thing to feel under the circumstances, though I don't embrace it. But I'm sick of it, sick of them and their pointless (and seemingly endless) squabbling.

And to make things worse, my usual sources of fangirl distractions seem to have dried up lately. What the hell.

Optimism and hope. Hope and optimism. Read that on someone's blog. Felt so inspired I wanted to cry.

...guess I don't have a naturally sunny disposition. But hope doesn't have to be felt, it can be derived from logic. Things usually work out eventually as long as I keep working on them. Minor disappointments are of no consequence in the long run, and minor annoyances can be easily endured. So. No point getting overly upset - in fact it's flat-out silly, considering things will sort themselves out in time.

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Brenda - resolutely dedicated to a life of tedious stability and relentless obsession,
stuck with a mental age that is increasingly failing to keep pace with physical age.
Addicted to methyxanthines, NSAIDs, monosodium glutamate, instant gratification and certain forms of mindless entertainment. Now with a newfound addiction to pretty sweaters, online movie rental and solitary urban hikes in foreign countries.

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