Sunday, July 03, 2005
It's ridiculous but I am feeling wretched at the moment. Maybe it's another monthly hormonal shift thing, or the stress of preparing for overseas education and departure in less than 2 months' time, or various people not being very helpful in answering my panicky inquiries. And then there's the M issue - touchy at the best of times, degenerating all the while into a full-blown cold war as major expenditure looms.
It's ridiculous to espouse independence while trying my darndest to remain so dependent. But, you know, dark voices of resentment years in the making whisper foul temptations to uncalled-for behaviour... and yes, I
am bitter; it's a natural thing to feel under the circumstances, though I don't embrace it. But I'm sick of it, sick of them and their pointless (and seemingly endless) squabbling.
And to make things worse, my usual sources of fangirl distractions seem to have dried up lately. What the hell.
Optimism and hope. Hope and optimism. Read that on someone's blog. Felt so inspired I wanted to cry.
...guess I don't have a naturally sunny disposition. But hope doesn't
have to be felt, it can be derived from logic. Things usually work out eventually as long as I keep working on them. Minor disappointments are of no consequence in the long run, and minor annoyances can be easily endured. So. No point getting overly upset - in fact it's flat-out silly, considering things
will sort themselves out in time.
words were spilled on Sunday, July 03, 2005
