Sunday, August 15, 2004
Finally,
finally got around to reading that Scholarship Guide. Damn scholarship boards and their damned preferences for Econs/Engineering/IT/Computer Science degrees. If I were a double-maths student keen on Engineering, I'll have a whole slew of scholarships to shop for; ditto Econs, Business Administration, Accountancy etc. But I've already burnt all my bridges with Econs and I was never a Physics/Engineering person to begin with.
The things I
may be interested in will either lead me on the path to unemployment or research, and try as I might, I can't convince myself that I'm
truly, madly, deeply passionate about research, because I can never envision myself doing anything noteworthy in that area. A mediocre, routine lab career, maybe - but then again I don't see how that would make an impression on A*Star.
SPH? I do enjoy writing, but a timid journalist lacking initiative will never amount to much. ST Technologies? MOH?
... perhaps I should just give up on the overseas uni gig and study Pharmacy at NUS. Path of least resistance. Sheltering within the secure confines of the comfort zone.
What the hell. Overseas will probably kill me anyway.
I find that the hours after 12 midnight constitute the only real personal time I'm going to get for the next few weeks. Too brain-tired to accomplish any real revision, and with my sister finally off the computer and safely in bed, I have the ideal excuse to - ahahaha - indulge.
My sister is bent on procuring a full copy of Rollercoaster Tycoon 2. I pray that she doesn't succeed anytime soon - that game is one of the few I find to be irresistably addictive. From past experience, I know that I enjoy landscaping the park to aesthetic perfection, laying out footpaths, building stalls and rides in an orderly manner, strategically positioning entrances and exits for maximum profit, redirecting pixel minions to cleaning up the ever-present and ever-annoying puddles of vomit, constantly checking on profit margins and adjusting prices of everything, even the restrooms. And so on. What can I possibly say? It's all very indicative.
words were spilled on Sunday, August 15, 2004
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Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Have you ever experienced caffeine-induced hypersensitivity?
It's marvellously unsettling. You start off by trying to bully some brain cells into solving some exasperating Math problem during a perfectly boring lecture, then all of a sudden - sensory overload. The customary quiet sounds of the LT take on an unusual intensity. It's not that they become
louder, just that the brain sits up and pays a lot more attention while the normal mental barriers screening out unwanted background information collapse. Your level of awareness gets keyed up to its painful limits, and yet your surroundings feel curiously unreal. No-holds-barred hyper-intensity. You feel extraordinarily exposed, a strange sense of dread, a dizzying sensation of balancing precariously on the edge of some terrifying chasm - about to fall or float, you don't really know.
Thanks to all of that, I couldn't concentrate on math, so I slipped off to the toilet to regain some composure.
Just thought I should share the experience.
words were spilled on Wednesday, August 11, 2004
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Monday, August 02, 2004
It's not a good thing to whinge and whine on every single post. It's a symptom of a self-absorbed mind. But nevertheless. Time races past and I'm still unable to get a grip - and with each day that passes... it sucks, sucks, sucks. Sucks so much that sometimes I just stare at my organiser in despair and entertain thoughts of simply giving up and... I don't know, retreating into a nice library somewhere to finish up Frank Herbert and Patrick O'Brian? Or maybe just sleep it off. Sleep is good, though admittedly I've been over-indulging myself. I wake up, feel refreshed and energetic for a while, before it all cycles back into guilt again.
University applications suck. Prelims suck. EDB essays suck. The scholarship rat race sucks. Why I have to subject myself to all this... I jolly well know. And I hate, hate, HATE that simple little fact. I feel a violent desire to simply stop bothering, give it all up for a simpler life.
On a separate note: I love the 'Children of Dune' soundtrack. So what if 'Inama Nushif' sounds a bit like Lisa Gerrard's work in 'Gladiator'... it's a glorious piece of music all the same.
words were spilled on Monday, August 02, 2004
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