Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Nice irony, putting that quote up there. I find that it's particularly relevant to myself. As I never tire of telling people, there was an extremely good reason why I never succeeded at being a good debater. Sometimes I suspect that it's one of the central reasons why I tend to feel insufferably dull and superficial. Wilde strongly believed that 'shallowness is the supreme vice'. Out of self-defence, I thought he was being a little harsh and unfair.
Anyone's read Wilde's
De Profundis? I'm rather curious, you see, considering what it actually is. Quite interesting, I thought, when I first came across it as an impressionable Secondary 1 schoolgirl.
words were spilled on Wednesday, March 31, 2004
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Entropy
Strange how it seems so hard to get myself to focus nowadays. Thoughts - vague and disconnected. Senses - curiously blunted. Memory - hopelessly fragmented and leaking all over the place. (In fact, I think I have been hitting rock-bottom with the amnesia.) Schoolwork - looking insurmountable. I can't seem to get it out of the way fast enough - before it mows me over. So many things, so little ability.
And then I require too much sleep to keep alive. But when I sleep too much my mind just gets duller and duller. Coffee's the only thing that can correct the balance. Unfortunately. And so we turn to caffeine like an old, old friend.
Tomorrow's going to be miserable. There are some things you can know for sure - but at the same time I suppose it's good fortune I've got the foreknowledge and time to mentally prepare myself. With luck, no one will ever notice. And perhaps that could be counted as a small victory over myself.
words were spilled on Wednesday, March 31, 2004
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Tuesday, March 23, 2004
2 days into the new school term, and I haven't done any homework for 2 days running. Erm... yay?
Video editing expert I am not - in fact I cannot even lay claim to being an
amateur at Adobe Premiere, though I can dream. The heart is willing, but the time is short, the hardware pitifully inadequate and the cash insufficient. I was reminded of this long-unfinished task today when I suddenly found myself in the position of giving advice on video manipulation for a LOTR vid to be screened during the upcoming band concert. Granted, it was worse-than-amateurish advice and I was basically trying to dredge things out of my memory as I fumbled along, but it inspired my mind to shake off post-exam fatigue and fool around at the computer while happily ignoring homework and sleep.
Then my sister needed help on her Art homework, and I found myself reviving long-disused mental and motor processes relevant to basic cloud, sky and tree watercolour painting techniques - laying washes, blending, colour-mixing etc.
In a nutshell, I wasn't doing anything academic. Of course, it all felt incredibly
good. I haven't felt like this for too long. Overstimulation of the academic and rote learning centres has led to fatigue and lethargy conducive to lecture naps. Too tired to do anything, or too lazy, or too bored, uninterested etc. I've been feeling increasingly unmotivated this year. Think it's about time to kick back some life into this dreary, dreary year.
I'm trying to be optimistic. Oh, do cut me some slack. I don't believe in blog-whinging. I prefer to confine that to personal diaries.
Personal diaries... now that may be interesting. Mine aren't exactly
personal, although necessity compels me to keep them mostly private. Jieying, who had read harmless snippets, once said that they seemed to be written for someone else to read - and that is true. It's not just a matter of writing style either. I really do write in the hope that 'someone else' might read it in the future and perhaps know me a bit better. It may be a symptom of exhibitionism (and I mean in a
general sense, thank you very much). At the same time, I'm writing to myself some months or years in the future, in the hope that the past won't simply fade to indistinct shadows, that the mind doesn't just let memories wither and die.
There are just so many things to learn, to remember, to ponder. I can't grab hold of all of them and the ones I have like nothing better than to slip away.
My vote is for the prosaic, because every time I attempt the poetic I feel like the world's biggest pretentious fool.
And I'll never, ever attempt a GP essay question on religion. Ever. I think I can get by on the other topics.
words were spilled on Tuesday, March 23, 2004
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Sunday, March 14, 2004
Listening to some lovely tracks from 'Princess Mononoke', I suddenly wish that I had the actual CD instead of low-quality mp3s. The music is hauntingly beautiful. Unfortunately, Japanese soundtracks tend to cost a bomb. One of my eternal regrets in life, probably, or I would have amassed a tidy collection already.
Sigh... I should have never gone to Adelphi and had my ears opened to the world of (highly expensive) audiophile systems and recordings. Getting a tad dissatisfied with my beloved mp3s now, which really shouldn't be the case since I'm supposed to be practising thrift this year.
This is so stupid. Forgive this randomness.
words were spilled on Sunday, March 14, 2004
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Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Here I am, back again.
Wonderful day.
Less than 1 week before block tests.
Getting panicky.
Skipping recess and lunch.
Downing $1.10 worth of coffee per day.
Getting edgy. Feel like biting someone's head off only that I don't have the dental apparatus for it.
Probably getting stupid as well... Math questions nowadays seem unjustifiably unstraightforward. Mind skidding all over the place, can't seem to collect thoughts and order them logically. Life goes in a cycle of hyperexcitement followed by utter lethargy.
On the other hand...
Wonderful day.
Managed to keep awake and relatively alert the entire day despite staying up late last night/ this morning to watch the Oscars. Billy Crystal was a riot. I hadn't expected one of the awardees to openly thank his boyfriend. Courageous thing to do, nice to see it wasn't a victim of the now infamous 5-second delay. The Kodak Theatre is frickin'
huge.
And ROTK made a grand sweep of all 11 nominations. I divided my time between reading genetics, being alternately bored and entertained, and of course, merrily keeping score.
On the literary front, I've read 'The Silmarillion' and 'Unfinished Tales' and actually
liked them. 'Unfinished Tales' is Geek Paradise. 'Narn i Hin Hurin' is lovely - pity it wasn't finished. 'History of Middle Earth' is for obsessive fans with an excess of time and stamina - rough drafts and annotations and contradictory notes; for the record, I've only attempted one volume, the rest will have to wait until I've reread the 'canon' stories so that I don't confuse myself.
International Biology Olympiad training is, for now, (do I dare to say it?)
interesting. That said, I can almost see the final team line-up, and it's not encouraging. Oh well, it's all about the exposure and learning experience and all that, isn't it? Besides, it's given me the chance to listen to some very engaging professors. Dr. Peter Ng, Director of the Raffles Museum of Biological Research, is a superb example. During last Saturday's workshop he weaved Latin, linguistics and history into a lecture on biological nomenclature. I haven't been so impressed with a speaker since I heard DPM Lee at last year's Pre U seminar.
words were spilled on Tuesday, March 02, 2004
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