nondescript in blue

Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Entropy
Strange how it seems so hard to get myself to focus nowadays. Thoughts - vague and disconnected. Senses - curiously blunted. Memory - hopelessly fragmented and leaking all over the place. (In fact, I think I have been hitting rock-bottom with the amnesia.) Schoolwork - looking insurmountable. I can't seem to get it out of the way fast enough - before it mows me over. So many things, so little ability.

And then I require too much sleep to keep alive. But when I sleep too much my mind just gets duller and duller. Coffee's the only thing that can correct the balance. Unfortunately. And so we turn to caffeine like an old, old friend.

Tomorrow's going to be miserable. There are some things you can know for sure - but at the same time I suppose it's good fortune I've got the foreknowledge and time to mentally prepare myself. With luck, no one will ever notice. And perhaps that could be counted as a small victory over myself.

Brenda - resolutely dedicated to a life of tedious stability and relentless obsession,
stuck with a mental age that is increasingly failing to keep pace with physical age.
Addicted to methyxanthines, NSAIDs, monosodium glutamate, instant gratification and certain forms of mindless entertainment. Now with a newfound addiction to pretty sweaters, online movie rental and solitary urban hikes in foreign countries.

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