Thursday, January 01, 2004
On being a senior (and other New Year tidings)
I don't relish that thought. I've never much embraced senior-hood, not even in secondary school. But now I'm thrust into that role and… it sets me squirming, wishing for a way out when there isn't. Bit of a coward, yes I know, but I can't help but fret that I will fall short in the eyes of my juniors, both as a person and as a leader. Heaven knows I've always been rather stiff at senior-junior interaction (or any type of social interaction for that matter) and my memory for names and/or faces rivals that of the lead character in 'Memento'. I probably will need a Polaroid and a notebook to get everyone straight.
There will be an Angel-Mortal letter-cum-gifts exchange in the first few months, of course. That may be a little problematic, because to tell the truth, I don't excel at jovial, informal letter-writing. I would probably have to walk the fine line between being boring/eccentric and being eccentric/disturbing - if indeed there is a line. There would be a few exchanges about the usual stuff: self-introduction, the school, things to expect, lecturers to be wary of, moaning about homework and sleeping during lectures etc. My mortal might conclude, from my handwriting and stationery (and other things besides), that I'm a guy. Then there'd be a nice surprise on Valentine's Day, provided I don't embarrass myself or scare him/her away first.
I've made New Year's Resolutions, in defiance of what they always say about New Year's Resolutions. My watchwords for the year are 'moderation' and 'stamina'. Moderation in pleasant indulgences; stamina in things unpleasant, aka physical and academic exertions.
Uninspiringly, most of the resolutions I've got typed up pertain to wise financial management. It occurred to me that I would be turning 18 this year - the legal age for alcohol, nicotine, driving licenses, pubbing and sex. Of course, I have no intention of attempting any of the abovementioned activities. However, I do realise that cheap thrills aside, I have to begin taking charge of my life instead of drifting about aimlessly in a cocoon woven by school and family. Money is not all there is to it, but at least it's a manageable start compared to other headaches on the way.
I envy those who can clearly perceive their goals in life. All the best to them. Maybe I'll find something in this new year. More likely than not, I'll contrive something out of desperation.
Have a wonderful year ahead, everyone.
Some afterthoughts:
1. Having a cockroach run halfway up your leg (and being forced to slap it off /hard/) when you are happily having lunch in a coffeeshop is a traumatic experience. The cockroach stink is remarkably stubborn and must be attacked with legions of soap and Dettol. And then there's the post-traumatic stress disorder to deal with... as though I haven't already got a phobia about those filthy insects.
2. For nostalgia's sake, it may be a good idea to reread old journal entries, fangirl/pseudo-literary critic ramblings on the eve of the new school term. It's a nice form of distraction and doesn't feel too mind-numbing.
words were spilled on Thursday, January 01, 2004
