Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Mood: *headache*
Music: Gershwin - Rhapsody in Blue
My neurons cannot take rock and techno tonight, even though I'd very much love to blast Evanescence at myself as cathartic therapy.
Yes, there's lots of work to be done. (Isn't there always?) I should be ashamed of myself. I haven't even started on the
real mugging yet, and already I'm doing my utmost to distract myself from Work. My, but don't I hate that word.
Issues regarding the practice of online journaling have been cropping up on quite a few blogs I've visited. How much should one reveal, considering the (semi)public nature of the blog, when readership cannot be monitored or restricted? What should one write in the first place? To rant about personal matters or to offer free philosophy suited for general consumption?
My opinion is this: if you go into blogging for emotional catharsis, whatever - in short, if you believe that a blog is just like an online version of a personal diary, you're in for disillusionment or worse, potential embarrassment/humiliation. One can only be truly unfettered in total isolation. Society restricts us; that's part of its
raison d'etre. You always have to be careful with your words around other people, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Be realistic, use your common-sense. And if you are uncomfortable with the way your blog is going, you always have the option of pulling it from the net altogether.
For me, I can live with the inevitable restrictions. It's not as if I have got anything particularly controversial to say, I'd never dream of making personal secrets public and my life doesn't depend on this blog anyway. It's a diversion and a convenient method of keeping in touch with people (in a sense). But enough of focusing on the negative aspects of blogging. I sometimes find that I can appreciate and understand other people better since I can view them as complex individuals rather than 2-dimensional acquaintances through reading their entries. I don't think everyone agrees though, since one can argue that the blog persona eventually becomes yet another contrived facade.
As for philosophy, it tends to give me headaches, so I don't touch it. My informal writing style, as my dearest friends know so well, is happily frivolous - 'gloriously pointless' as Jieying memorably put it. I could never bring myself to write thoughtful themes, complex characters or make my narratives grow believable plots of any sort. Similarly, I do random rants better than I write probing essays. /sheepish grin/ No, I'm not a true intellectual by nature. Most of what I have was trained and drilled into me by my RG literature teachers, and I owe them my boundless gratitude.
My goodness, I miss my RG teachers. Should I head for my Alma Mater this Friday, I wonder? Or seize the opportunity to grab some sleep/ catch up on work? My Sept hols are one-third gone due to choir commitments. /long, exasperated sigh/ But commitments are commitments, so I shan't complain. Excessively.
My tutor said something recently which I didn't quite understand: 'In order to love someone, you must first love yourself.' Would anyone care to explain it to me?
'Love', I admit, is a concept my mind treats as abstract and confusing. I freely confess to being unable to grasp the concept, and no matter how much I read about it or attempt to study it it just doesn't integrate itself into my consciousness. (And it doesn't help that I studied 'Romeo and Juliet' for O Levels :) Does one have to 'feel' love before one can understand it? Is it pointless trying to understand it, 'cos, y'know, it's got that sort of mysterious greatness that 'can't be explained' and therefore is totally beyond me?
I'm probably getting it hopelessly wrong, though.
A few questions
1:
Do we all need an internal 'anchor' to tide us through difficult times, when we cannot rely on others to support us? Can, or should, we trust that there'd always be someone to lean on? To what extent is emotional dependence unhealthy, and can too much independence lead to individualism, self-centredness and thus be a bad thing?
1(Answer sheet not provided: being the philosophy-averse person that I am)
words were spilled on Wednesday, August 27, 2003
